My Unfortunate Erection (Chip's Lament)

Fritos! M&M's? Oreos!

All for one dollar!

It is tradition

That the person eliminated from the competition

Is fair-game for derision

Especially the alpha-male

Who'll sell goodies at the bake sale?

Anyone for brownies? Anyone for chocolate chips?

Anyone for anything that isn't dated?

How could I have been eliminated?

You wanna know how?

You wanna know how?

You wanna know why?

My unfortunate erection

Is destroying my perfection

It is my recollection

That everything I once did

I did perfectly

"Last year's champ defeated!"

Because of Marigold Coney bear

Because there's something

And not a thing between us

I don't blame my brain

But I do blame my penis

My unfortunate protuberance

Seems to have its own exuberance

Anyone for M&M's?

Delicious and appropriate

Anyone for Chewy Goobers?

Expensive

Anyone for buying the shit that I'm selling?

Because my stiffy has ruined my spelling

Erection, erection

My unfortunate erection

Whoa

It's ruining my life, it's ruining my world

It's ruining my ruining

Ruining, ruining my life

My life!

Adulthood brings its own peculiar rejection

Which is why I'm selling this PTA confection

It will ruin your complexion

All because of my unfortunate

Erection

Oh, God