The Squip Song

Freshman year

I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

I was a loser just like you

Good times would only soar by

I was gross

As every female would attest

My sexting was a futile quest

My little penis was depressed

He was so lonely

The poor guy

I was

Hopeless, hopeless

I was

Helpless, helpless

Every time I'd walk the hallway

I would trip

I was

Stagnant and idle

I was

So suicidal

And then

Then, then

Then, then

Then, then

Then, then

Then, then

Then, then I got a Squip

You got quick?

Not quick

Squip

I've just never heard of it before

Yeah, that's the point!

This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit

It's from Japan

It's a gray, oblong pill

Quantum nano-technology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do

So... It's like...

Drugs...?

It's better than drugs, Jeremy

It's from Japan! (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

It's a gray, oblong pill, (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

Quantum nano-technology CPU. (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

The quantum computer in the pill will travel through

Your blood until (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

It implants in your brain and it

Tells you what to do. (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

It tells you what to do

It's preprogrammed (Ohhhhh)

It's amazing (Ohhhhh)

Speaks to you directly (Ohhhhh Ah ah)

You behave as (Ohhhhh)

It's appraising (Ohhhhh)

Helps you act correctly (Ohhhhh)

Helps you to be cool

It helps you rule

'Cause right now you're

Helpless, helpless

You are

Almost hopeless

On the school's social map you're just a blip

But if you

Take my advice and if you pay the listed price

Well, then you go from sad to interesting

To hip - Your whole life will flip!

When you buy a Squip!

Hey, yeah, a Squip! (Ahhh, ahhhh)

Oh, a Squip (Ahhh, ahhhh)

Hey, yeah! (Ahhh, ahhhh)

No longer a drip when you got in your grip

A Squip

A Squip

A Squip (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)